The Snow
by lailaa18
Summary: Reasons why Gale Hawthorne can't return to his home District. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.**

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It's snowing in District 2.

The whiteness floods Gale's view. A big, living blank. It's beautiful. The mountain tops covered by snow like sugar on the top of a cake. The way it falls from the sky, like tiny pieces of the clouds, it's just magical. Everyone's mood is forgiving. Peaceful, clear, pure. They want to start the year as fresh as the snow that falls from the sky. But that doesn't applies to Gale.

It's not that he doesn't want to. He wants a fresh start more than anything. But he knows he can't have it. For the past four years, he just _can't_.

The clearness, the purity, the promise of a new beginning that comes along with all that snow just doesn't get to him. He's too dirty to have it. They say it's normal for people that have been through war to feel like this. To feel like nothing will ever be right again, not after seeing so much pain, suffering and torture. Not after so many deaths; some of them caused by the warrior himself. Sometimes, Gale still caughts himself spending hours cleaning his hands from the invisible, inexistent blood underneath his nails.

He caused pain. He caused suffering. He caused death. All the things he despised the Capitol for doing to his family and others all around the country during his whole life – _he caused them all_. Even if indirectly, he did. The children, the innocent children. Pure and clear like the snow. Their souls were all destroyed by things he helped creating. _Prim_. Young, sweet, loving Prim was dead. And it was his fault.

He buries his head onto his hands and sighs deeply. Hazelle wants him to go to District 12 for the Holidays this year. He didn't see them in flesh since a year after the war ending, when Gale was still collecting money to buy them a nice house. They were all living together in Two, and Gale planned to keep it like that. But his mom wanted to go back home. He bought them a good enough house in Twelve, outside the Seam, but never came back himself. He said work needed him in Two, and that's the excuse he's been using ever since.

He misses his family like _hell_. He misses Posy's hugs every day after work. He misses Rory's stormy eyes, so much like his own. He misses Vick's unworried laughter. He misses his mother's understanding smiles. He misses _every_thing. And he feels terrible for missing so much of his sibling's life. But he can't bring himself to come back to that place.

The ashes on the streets would be constant reminders of what he left there to never see again. And most importantly, _who_ he left there. Nothing would be more painful than looking around and seeing ghosts of memories hunting him at every corner. He couldn't bring himself to look inside Katniss' eyes without being crushed by guilt. Even though she has Mellark, and they're living a merry, good life together he knows that the fact that her sister is no longer there every day, just like all the others she lost to war, kills her inside. Gale would be just another reminder of the things she lost. Their friendship was long gone and he really doubts it's ever coming back.

Besides the guilt, besides the reminder of the life he left behind forever, there is another ghost keeping him from coming back. And maybe the worse of them all.

Gale gets out of the couch and goes outside on his balcony. The view he has from there is priceless. He lives in the second tallest building of the District, which means he has a perfect view of the white landscape.

Sighing, he rubs his eyes to keep them from forming tears. The most painful thing about snow is the way it reminds him of Madge Undersee.

The color of the flakes is similar to the color of her skin tone. The sunset, so bright in the middle of all that grey sky, is golden like the locks of her hair. The frozen water of the lakes is just as blue as the color of her eyes. She's in everything he sees.

And it _kills_ him.

It kills him to think of all her tenderness, all her delicacy, purity and clearness being devoured by the unforgiving flames that came with those bombs. The overwhelming heat that reduced her to nothing but a _memory_, a past, a victim.

Madge Undersee. The one who was there to tame Gale's fire. The only one that was ever able to give him serenity. The one who ignited the spark inside of his heart, the spark that finally convinced him that maybe life could be worth living, even in the horrid place they lived in.

Madge, who loved strawberries. Who played the piano flawlessly. Who used to wear fancy dresses and gentle smiles. Who had a quiet, soothing voice. Who was also a rebel even though she lived a comfortable life. Even though she didn't have apparent reasons to be.

She'll never get the chance to see the world after the rebellion. She'll never get the chance to live in the Hunger Games free Panem. She'll never get the chance to leave District 12. She'll never get the chance to see the snow again.

And it's all _Gale's_ fault_.  
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_A/N: I don't think the mentioned deaths are Gale's fault. Not at all. But I do believe he feels guilty about them. Aw, poor Gale :c I hope the conexion with the snow makes sense. Anyway, I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes. Reviews are appreciated, and thank you for reading. xx_


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